Self-Growth by Embracing the Unknown

Self-Growth by Embracing the Unknown

The most difficult part about making decisions is that we often have to make them in light of what isn’t yet the case. We need to trade something that we know and are familiar with for something that we do not know.

My decision to leave a Ph.D. program was based on my hope that things could be otherwise outside of grad school. I knew how I felt in a Ph.D. program–stressed, overwhelmed, lonely, financially broke–and, although I was hoping for a different set of circumstances for myself, I had no way of knowing I would actually be able to achieve them once I left academia. I imagined that I would be able to get a non-academic job, that I would be able to support myself as I moved across the country and started a life in a new city, that I would be able to find meaning in non-academic projects and pursuits. I wanted all of those things to be true, but, at the time of committing myself to them, I had no way of knowing how they would actually turn out. And this is the most difficult thing about making decisions.

I am soon to move across the country again and I find myself leaving many of the now known and familiar things behind for other possibilities: imaginary possibilities that are not yet known. As I reflect on this uncertain time, I realize that this is also the exciting place where most of our growth and learning happen.

When we make a decision to follow the unknown, less comfortable path and follow through with it, we are fulfilled in the most satisfying way. We learn that we can trust ourselves to bring into reality things we used to be able to only imagine. We learn to trust ourselves to be able to leap into an unknown and make that space into a setting of comfort and familiarity.

Life is filled with unknowns and learning to trust ourselves in unfamiliar situations makes us better at life. Wouldn’t it be great if we allowed ourselves these kinds of experience more often to stimulate personal development and growth?

What are your unknowns today? Is it starting a business? Making a career change? Taking up running? Building your first website?

Are there things you would like to do but feel afraid to start because you know nothing about them? If so, you are in a very special place. This is the place of opportunity where growth and learning begin. Allow yourself to get started on an unfamiliar new project and see how much you can learn. You will gain confidence and will be able to trust yourself more in the future. Here’s to making more decisions to leap into the unknown!

Things I Learned after Quitting my PhD

Things I Learned After Quitting my PhD

A little over a year ago I decided to take an academic leave from my PhD, which eventually lead to quitting it. The experience has been nothing like I expected it to be and I have learned a lot along the way. One year was enough time to let me see some of the misconceptions I had about life and work while in grad school. Here are the top things I learned over the past year.

1.Even if you decide to quit your PhD on your own terms, it will be one of the most difficult decisions of your life.

I grieved my PhD, especially during the first couple of months after leaving. I felt cheated by the world of philosophy: I felt as if I was once given a great promise of what my life could be like and then was forced out of it by the same system that promised it to me. I had friends and mentors I was leaving behind as well as a whole lifestyle of being an academic in training. 

I was worried that I would lose the friendships I have developed in grad school because I could no longer speak “philosophy” to my colleagues who continued their studies. Once an insider to a particular academic circle, I felt that I no longer belonged there and I missed being a part of it.

2. Pursuing anything very seriously, like a PhD, shapes your entire worldview. When you change course, it will take a long time to undo some of the habits and views you developed over the years but that no longer fit your lifestyle.

10 months after leaving grad school, I found that I could not read my favourite philosophers without getting very upset. I seemed to inhabit a perspective that to read philosophy meant to read it in an academic context only and now that I was no longer a graduate student, I somehow no longer had a say in what philosophers mattered nor could I read them on my own. I felt like a fraud trying to read philosophy for pleasure. 

I could not work up the courage to read philosophy on my own, so I would reach out for “easier” reads that I found to be relevant at the time. I actually felt guilty reading books for pleasure that I always wanted to read and used to have no time for with my workload during a PhD. I felt guilty because they weren’t the academic texts I was used to reading.

3. You work fewer hours during a full-time job than you do while in your PhD, but you feel less freedom on the daily basis.

It took me some time to get used to working ‘9 to 5.’ I only work about 7.5 hours a day in my job, but two months after getting it, I could not deal with the monotony of the schedule.

While in grad school, I used to feel like I was working all the time. I had no weekends that were entirely school work free. Some days felt 10-12 hours long. However, I could break my day up as I pleased during my PhD: schedule a coffee date in the morning, take a break after lunch and go for a run and then work until very late at night. 

I can’t break my day up at work and work outside of our office hours and I definitely cannot take off for a run after lunch. As the result, I feel like I have less time for myself.

4. You will feel more freedom outside of work.

On the bright side, my job is dynamic and busy when I am at the office, but I am not required to take any of it home. This means guilt-free evenings and weekends with no feeling of anxiety about the projects I should be working on at every waking hour. I remember how much I hated Sundays in grad school: when the anxiety about the week ahead settled in and I felt like I was fighting against time scrambling to get things together. I no longer experience this anxiety and it is probably a very healthy thing.

5. Getting a full-time job is not the end of your life as you know it.

For a long time after leaving academia, I felt that I was at my best during my PhD because of the ways I have been challenged academically, creatively, socially. When my PhD ended, my greatness as a human being ended because there could be no career in the world that could challenge me in the same way.

I was so WRONG.

The misconception I held was that being an academic is the only way I could be at my best. I loved reading stimulating books, the challenge of writing and teaching, and being surrounded by people who valued similar things. I thought that the only way I could have those things in my life was through academia. That is not the case.

Although I am still growing into my career field, I certainly get to do a number of things that I love and that challenge me creatively both at my work and outside of it. What I do contains many of the elements of grad school that I enjoyed: I am in a position to advise and mentor others, I write and edit daily, and I continue to stimulate my learning and growth. I believe that we all can find a way to do what we love.

A job as an academic might be an ideal scenario for you, but it is not the only one. I find it that because grad school is so specific and training intensive, most graduate students have no idea what other options are available to them. You don’t know what you don’t know. Trust me, there ARE other options and there are many GREAT options for you.

6. You are not your PhD

Who you are as a person is more than your research interest and the hard work you have taken so far to get the credential. This is not meant to reduce the significance of what you have accomplished while getting a PhD. It is meant to help you realize that there are many other great things ahead of you. You might feel lost at first, but this is usually a sign that you’re embarking on a new adventure, entering an unfamiliar situation. This means more learning, growth, and self-discovery.

Letting go of my PhD made me realize how important other things were in my life. I used to be completely preoccupied with school work and other academic commitments like writing grant proposals and submitting my work to conferences. I had no idea what other things I could be doing professionally if I could not be an academic. If I had any time to spend with my family and friends, it had to be planned around my schedule and availability. PhD took precedence over everything else.

Letting go of the PhD created new space for seeing other things in my life in a new light: I cared about spending time with my family and what city and country I was living in; I learned what kinds of thing I was good at and could do for living; I had the freedom to keep up with my friends and their projects and pursuits.

These are some of the things that are on my mind a little over a year after quitting my PhD. I am sure that as the time goes by I may learn more and rethink some of these points. For now, I am curious to hear if any of you had similar experiences?

Life Lately

Although there were almost no updates to this blog, I am happy to say lots been going on behind the scenes.

I started my coaching training and I have been working on building a website for my coaching practice. I am learning tons along the way and I have been plotting how I can use my new knowledge to update and improve this blog. I am looking forward to finishing the work on the coaching site and getting back to blogging more regularly here.

I am also slowly working on crossing the items off both my BC Bucket List as well as my list of my goals for 2016, which means we are taking trips and keeping up with exploring the city and our running. I love going back to those lists regularly to check in and see whether I have been making progress or even whether some of the items ended up being irrelevant as my outlook on life changed and transformed. It’s funny how that can happen over as little as a few months!

We are running a half marathon instead of a full one in May. We realized that we were unable to train through the winter in BC as hard as we intended to and it was better to let that one go than hurt ourselves trying to run a race we were not prepared for. We signed up for a short trail race in June and we intend to run a full marathon in October after a suitable training in the summer.

I am not posting here three times a week as I was hoping to do and I no longer intend to. I am, however, building a whole new site from scratch and working on creating content for it for several months now. As I am growing into starting a coaching practice outside all while working full-time, I am realizing that blogging three times a week might not be a realistic expectation for myself. So, I am letting that one go as well.

But I am happy with the overall movement forward. The lists and the goals are not always there to have us complete them, but as reminders of where we stood some time ago and where we are headed now. It is the movement that I care about, and I am happy with how much ground I have covered so far.

Things To Do in Vancouver: Visit China Town

We stayed in the city during this grey and rainy weekend. To encourage ourselves to get out and explore and photograph more of Vancouver, we decided to visit the city’s China Town.

A gem we came upon our walk was the Dr. Sun Yat Sen Classical Chinese Garden. What an oasis in the middle of the city! A part of the garden was open to the public for free while a visit to the other part cost $12. We decided to save the paid visit for better weather but got quite a bit out of the public garden.

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This spontaneous visit to Vancouver’s China Town reminded me that even on the rainiest and the gloomiest of the days, we can aim to seek out a small adventure.